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 How To Shower - Like a Woman:
 
 1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry basket 
    according to lights and darks.
 
 2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your
    husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh and rush to 
    the bathroom.
 
 3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror and stick out your
    gut so that you can complain and whine even more about how
    you're getting fat.
 
 4. Get in the shower. Look for facecloth, armcloth, legcloth, long
    loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
 
 5. Wash your hair once with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83
    added vitamins.
 
 6. Wash your hair again with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83
    added vitamins.
 
 7. Condition your hair with Cucumber and Lamfrey conditioner
    enhanced with natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for fifteen
    minutes.
 
 8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten
    minutes until red raw.
 
 9. Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body
    wash.
 
 10. Rinse conditioner off hair (this takes at least fifteen
     minutes as you must make sure that it has all come off).
 
 11. Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but
     decide to get it waxed instead.
 
 12. Scream loudly when your husband flushes the toilet and you
     freeze / roast
 
 13. Turn off shower.
 
 14. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mould spots
     with Mould and Mildew Remover.
 
 15. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small African
     Country. Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel.
 
 16. Check entire body for the remotest sign of a blemish. Attack
     with nails/tweezers/stanley knife/sander/power drill  if
     found.
 
 17. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on
     head.
 
 18. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed
     areas and then rush to bedroom to spend an hour and a half
     getting dressed.
 
 
 How to Shower - Like A Man:
 
 1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave
    them in a pile.
 
 2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife along the way,
    shake willy at her making a "wey hey" sound.
 
 3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror, suck in your gut,
    look for pecs. Admire yourself in the mirror.
 
 4. Get in the shower.
 
 5. Don't bother to look for a washcloth (you don't use one).
 
 6. Wash your face.
 
 7. Wash your armpits.
 
 8. Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.
 
 9. Wash your privates and surrounding area.
 
 10. Ensure you leave "special" hair on the soap bar.
 
 11. Shampoo your hair (do not use conditioner).
 
 12. Make a shampoo Mohawk.
 
 13. Pull back shower curtain and look at yourself in the mirror.
 
 14. Pee (in the shower).
 
 15. Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on
     the floor because you left the curtain hanging out of the bath
     the whole time.
 
 16. Partially dry off.
 
 17. Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles. Admire self
     again.
 
 18. Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor.
 
 19. Leave bathroom light on.
 
 20. Return to the bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass
     your wife, pull off towel, grab willy, repeat "Wey hey" sound.
 
 21. Throw wet towel on the bed. Take 2 minutes to get dressed.

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