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 Q. Why do so many women fake orgasm?
 A. Because so many men fake foreplay.
 
 Q. Why are women so bad at mathematics?
 A. Because men keep telling them that this (make gap with thumb
    and forefinger) is 9 inches.
 
 Q. What's the difference between a bar and a clitoris?
 A. Most men have no trouble finding a bar.
 
 Q. What's a man's definition of a romantic evening?
 A. Sex.
 
 Q. What is the only time a man thinks about a candlelight dinner?
 A. When the power goes off.
 
 Q. What do men and women have in common?
 A. They both distrust men.
 
 Q. How can you tell the difference between men's real gifts and
    their guilt gifts?
 A. Guilt gifts are nicer.
 
 Q. What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?
 A. His wife is good at picking out clothes.
 
 Q. How is a man like the weather?
 A. Nothing can be done to change either one of them.
 
 Q. What is the difference between a man and childbirth?
 A. One can be terribly painful and sometimes almost unbearable
    while the other is just having a baby.
 
 Q. Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating
    hunger. What do men dream of?
 A. Being stuck in an elevator with the Double-mint twins.
 
 Q. What do you call a man who expects to have sex on the second
    date?
 A. Slow.
 
 Q. What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in
    common?
 A. They're married.
 
 Q. What do most men think Mutual Orgasm is?
 A. An insurance company.
 
 Q. Why don't men often show their true feelings?
 A. Because they don't have any.
 
 Q. Why do men have a hole in their penis?
 A. So oxygen can get to their brains. 
 
 Q. What's easier to make: a snowman or a snow-woman?
 A. A snow-woman is easier to make, 'cause with a snowman you have
    to hollow out the head and use all that extra snow to make its
    testicles.
 
 Q. What do you call a man with 99% of his brain missing?
 A. Castrated.
 
 Q. What's the difference between government bonds and men?
 A. Bonds mature.
 
 Q. What's the difference between a man and E.T.?
 A. E.T. phoned home.
 
 Q. What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
 A. Through his chest with a sharp knife
 
 Q. What have men and floor tiles got in common?
 A. If you lay them properly the first time, you can walk all over
    them for life.
 
 Q. How can you tell if a man is happy?
 A. Who cares?
 
 Q. Why do men want to marry virgins?
 A. They can't stand criticism.
 
 Q. What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
 A. 1. No mind. 2. No business.
 
 Q. Did you hear about the banker who's a great lover?
 A. He knows first-hand the penalty for early withdrawal.
 
 Q. Why are men like laxatives?
 A. They irritate the shit out of you.
 
 Q. Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive,
    caring, and good-looking?
 A. Because those men already have boyfriends.
 
 Q. What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?
 A. The porcupine has pricks on the outside.
 
 Q. Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
 A. So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.
 
 Q. Why do men love computers?
 A. No matter what mood they're in, they can still get a floppy in.
 
 Q. How does a man take a bubble bath?
 A. He eats beans for dinner.
 
 Q. How can you tell if a man is sexually excited?
 A. He's breathing.
 
 Q. What's a man's idea of foreplay?
 A. A half hour of begging.
 
 Q. Why don't women blink during foreplay?
 A. They don't have time.
 
 Q. Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilise one egg?
 A. They won't stop to ask directions.
 
 Q. What do you have when you have 2 balls in your hand?
 A. His undivided attention.
 
 Q. How many men does it take to put the toilet seat down?
 A. Nobody knows, it hasn't happened yet."

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