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 During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a
 strip club at least once.
 
 All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.
 
 Most dogs are immortal.
 
 If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a
 passing St. Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.
 
 All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the
 armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying
 beside her.
 
 All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French
 Bread.
 
 It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in
 the control tower to talk you down.
 
 Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba
 diving. 
 
 The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding
 place. No-one will ever think of looking for you in there and you
 can travel to any other part of the building you wish without
 difficulty.
 
 If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more
 ammunition - even if you haven't been carrying any before now.
 
 You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you
 make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart
 back home.
 
 Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will
 not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.
 
 If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or
 killer beast, the mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade
 or his forthcoming art exhibition.
 
 The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
 
 A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating
 but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
 
 If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown
 through it before long.
 
 The Chief of Police is always black.
 
 When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out
 a bill - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always
 be the exact fare.
 
 Interbreeding is genetically possible with any creature from
 elsewhere in the universe.
 
 Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at
 night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.
 
 If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any
 strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
 
 Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always
 say: Enter Password Now.
 
 Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family
 every morning even though their husband and children never have
 time to eat it.
 
 Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.
 
 The Chief of Police will always suspend his star detective - or
 give him 48 hours to finish the job.
 
 A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of
 RFK Stadium.
 
 Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
 
 Although in the 20th century it is possible to fire weapons at an
 object out of our visual range, people of the 23rd century will
 have lost this technology.
 
 Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.
 
 It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or
 ending phone conversations.
 
 Even when driving down a perfectly straight road it is necessary
 to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few
 moments.
 
 All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red
 readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
 
 It is always possible to park directly outside the building you
 are visiting.
 
 A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from
 duty.
 
 If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump
 into will know all the steps.
 
 Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the
 communication systems of any invading alien civilization.
 
 It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight
 involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to
 attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner
 until you have knocked out their predecessors.
 
 When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they
 will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.
 
 No-one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic
 eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.
 
 Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make
 sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total
 opposite.
 
 When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to
 each other.
 
 You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.
 
 Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds
 - unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped
 inside.
 
 An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause
 no lasting damage to an eight year old child.
 
 Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you
 personally at that precise moment."

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