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 1. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit
    a fire in the craft it sank - proving once and for all that you
    can't have your kayak and heat it, too.
 
 2. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to
    Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in
    the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one,
    naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.
 
 3. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He
    sidles up to the bar and announces "I'm looking for the man who
    shot my paw."
 
 4. This guy goes into a restaurant for a Christmas breakfast
    while in his home town for the holidays. After looking over the
    menu he says, "I'll just have the eggs Benedict." His order
    comes a while later and it's served on a big, shiny hubcap. He
    asks the waiter, "What's with the hubcap?" The waiter sings,
    "Oh, there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise!"
 
 5. When she told me I was average, she was just being mean.
 
 6. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's
    Novocain during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental
    medication.
 
 7. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were
    standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament
    victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the
    office and asked them to disperse. "But why?," they asked, as
    they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts
    boasting in an open foyer."
 
 8. A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a
    hazelnut daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew of his
    habit, and would always have the drink waiting at precisely
    5:03 p.m. One afternoon, as the end of the work day approached,
    the bartender was dismayed to find that he was out of hazelnut
    extract. Thinking quickly,he threw together a daiquiri made
    with hickory nuts and set it on the bar. The doctor came in at
    his regular time, took one sip of the drink  and exclaimed,
    "This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri!" "No, I'm sorry," replied the
    bartender, "it's a hickory daiquiri, Doc."
 
 9. A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for
    something to eat.  He came across two men. One was sitting
    under a tree reading a book; the other was typing away on his
    typewriter. The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the
    book and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle knows that
    readers digest, and writers cramp.
 
 10. There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He
     sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of
     the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
 
 11. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of
     them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other
     goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later,
     Juan sends a picture of himself to his mom.  Upon receiving
     the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also
     had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, "But they are
     twins - if you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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