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 Badtimes
 
 If you receive an e-mail with a subject of "Badtimes," delete it
 immediately WITHOUT reading it. This is the most dangerous e-mail
 virus yet. It will rewrite your hard drive.
 
 Not only that, but it will scramble any disks that are even close
 to your computer. It will recalibrate your refrigerator's coolness
 setting so that all your ice cream melts. It will demagnetize the
 strips on all your credit cards, screw up the tracking on your VCR
 and use the subspace field harmonics to scratch any CDs you try to
 play. It will give your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend your new phone
 number. It will mix anti-freeze into your fish tank. 
 
 It will drink all your beer and leave its socks out on the coffee
 table when company is coming over. It will put a dead fish in the
 back pocket of your good suit and hide your car keys when you are
 late for work.
 
 "Badtimes" will make you fall in love with a penguin. It will give
 you nightmares about circus midgets. It will pour sugar in your
 gas tank and shave off both your eyebrows while dating your
 current boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing the dinner and
 hotel room to your Visa card.
 
 It will seduce your grandmother. It does not matter if she is
 dead, such is the power of "Badtimes." It reaches out beyond the
 grave to sully those things we hold most dear.
 
 It moves your car randomly around parking lots so you can't find
 it. It will kick your dog. It will leave libidinous messages on
 your boss' voicemail in your voice! It is insidious and subtle.
 
 It is dangerous and terrifying to behold. It is also a rather
 interesting shade of mauve.
 
 "Badtimes" will give you Dutch elm disease. It will leave the
 toilet seat up. It will make a batch of Methamphetamine in your
 bath tub and then leave bacon cooking on the stove while it goes
 out to chase High School kids with your snowblower.
 
 These are just a few of the things this virus can do. Be
 warned......."Badtimes" is Bad!

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