The funniest collection of jokes on the net!

 Dear Tech Support:
 
 Recently I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed
 that the new program began making unexpected changes to the
 accounting software, severely limiting access to wardrobe, flower
 and jewelry applications that operated flawlessly under Boyfriend
 5.0. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the produc
 brochure.
 
 In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalls many other valuable programs
 such as DinnerDancing 7.5, CruiseShip 2.3, and OperaNight 6.1 and
 installs new, undesirable programs such as PokerNight 1.3,
 Saturday Football 5.0, Golf 2.4 and ClutterEverywhere 4.5.
 Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and invariably crashes the
 system. Under no circumstances will it run DiaperChanging 14.1 or
 HouseCleaning 2.6. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix Husband
 1.0, but this all purpose utility is of only limited
 effectiveness. Can you help, please!!
 
 Sincerely, XXX
 
 Dear XXX:
 
 This is a very common problem women complain about, but it is
 mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from
 Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 with no idea that Boyfriend 5.0 is
 merely an ENTERTAINMENT package. However, Husband 1.0 is an
 OPERATING SYSTEM and was designed by its creator to run as few
 applications as possible.
 
 Further, you cannot purge Husband 1.0 and return to Boyfriend 5.0,
 because Husband 1.0 is not designed to do this. Hidden operating
 files within your system would cause Boyfriend 5.0 to emulate
 Husband 1.0, so nothing is gained.
 
 It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files
 from the system, once installed. Any new program files can only be
 installed once per year, as Husband 1.0 has severely limited
 memory. Error messages are common, and a normal part of Husband
 1.0.
 
 In desperation to play some of their "old time" favorite
 applications, or to get new applications to work, some women have
 tried to install Boyfriend 6.0, or Husband 2.0. However, these
 women end up with more problems than encountered with Husband 1.0.
 
 Look in your manual under "Warnings: Divorce/Child Support." You
 will notice that this program runs very poorly, and comes bundled
 with HeartBreak 1.3. I recommend you keep Husband 1.0, and just
 learn the quirks of this strange and illogical system.
 
 Having Husband 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read
 the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults [GPFs].
 This is a wonderful feature of Husband 1.0, secretly installed by
 the parent company as an integral part of the operating system.
 
 Husband 1.0 must assume ALL responsibility for ALL faults and
 problems, regardless of root cause. To activate this great feature
 enter the command "C:\ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME".
 
 Sometimes Tears 6.2 must be run simultaneously while entering the
 command. Husband 1.0 should then run the applications Apologize
 12.3 and Flowers/Chocolates 7.8.
 
 TECH TIP! Avoid excessive use of this feature. Overuse can create
 additional and more serious GPFs, and ultimately YOU may have to
 give a C:\ I APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to
 normal operations. Overuse can also cause Husband 1.0 to default
 to GrumpySilence 2.5, or worse yet, to Beer 6.0.
 
 Beer 6.0 is a very bad program that causes Husband 1.0 to create
 FatBelly files and Snoring Loudly wave files that are very hard to
 delete. Save yourself some trouble by following this tech tip!
 
 Just remember! The system will run smoothly, and take the blame
 for all GPFs, but because of this fine feature it can only
 intermittently run all the applications Boyfriend 5.0 ran. Husband
 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot
 learn new applications quickly.
 
 Consider buying additional software to improve performance. I
 personally recommend HotFood 3.0, Lingerie 5.3 and Patience 10.1.
 Used in conjunction, these utilities can really help keep Husband
 1.0 running smoothly.
 
 After several years of use, Husband 1.0 will become familiar and
 you will find many valuable embedded features such as
 FixBrokenThings 2.1, Snuggling 4.2 and BestFriend 7.6.
 
 A final word of caution! Do NOT, under any circumstances, install
 MotherInLaw 1.0. This is not a supported application, and will
 cause selective shutdown of the operating system. Husband 1.0 will
 run only Fishing 9.4 and Hunting 5.2 until MotherInLaw 1.0 is
 uninstalled.
 
 I hope these notes have helped. Thank you for choosing to install
 Husband 1.0 and we here at Tech Support wish you the best of luck
 in coming years. We trust you will learn to fully enjoy this
 product!
 
 Tech Support

Send this joke to a friend :-

Rate this joke :-